The Habits of Unsuccessful People

I have written Below the habits of unsuccessful people, so that if you are really serious about creating a life that up until now you have only dreamed of you will know what to avoid.

‘If you want what others don’t have, you must do what others don’t do.’ 

There are many times in all of our lives when we may indulge in one or some of the activities that I am going to speak on and that’s OK as I see no harm in occasionally partaking in a few mind dulling experiences, however, ‘everything in moderation.

If you are finding that you spend countless hours, days, weeks or even years on these then I suggest that you Stop!

Take stock of where you are and assess if your current routine is adding to or robbing value from your life.

I am guessing that if you are reading this article then you have a strong desire to become your personal best or as I like to call it (the best version of You).

If so it would stand to reason then that you may want to make a decision ‘Now’ that you are willing to change any of the habits below that are currently hindering you on your journey to greatness.

Please do not cast judgment upon yourself if you do identify with the examples that follow, instead show yourself gratitude for being able to admit that you need to change and follow through.

There are many ways for you to totally reinvent your life once you know what it is that’s been holding you hostage and it begins with your mind followed by positive daily actions (no matter how small).

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was the masterpiece that is you. So chip away.

Your Habits are responsible for who you are today whether you like the person you are being or not, and the great thing about that fact is that you alone have complete control over creating better habits ‘starting now.’

Bad or unhealthy habits can lead to deep depression or even worse so please read on with an open heart and mind.

‘You are the creator of your own destiny.’ 

Your choices become your daily habits, which then turn in to routines ultimately manifesting as your life, so make good choices.

Lets Begin!

The Habits of The Unsuccessful


There are many traits that will determine whether or not you will become successful but the number 1 dream killer has to be procrastination.

Meaning that no matter how hard you try and find the motivation to complete even a simple task you simply cannot find the motivation nor the will to get going. 

We have all felt procrastination creep up on us at one point in time or another, however, the difference in whether you are successful or unsuccessful at going after your dreams is how you choose to deal with procrastination when it does arise.

Unsuccessful people are slaves to their procrastination as it becomes their second nature. They find a plethora of excuses for why they are not completing their duties to self and others and can unfortunately remain stagnated for years.

Successful people, on the other hand, see it for what it is, observe the feeling they get from procrastination and carry on regardless.

Momentum creates momentum, so the more that you do something the easier it becomes.

This is true for both healthy and unhealthy habits so if you truly want to beat procrastination then you must take charge and begin the task you have been avoiding. ‘Even if its only for 5 minutes a day to start with.’

Eventually if you continue on this path your momentum will build until you are working on your dream full time. Initially it may seem hard but giving up on your best self will ultimately be harder.

So don’t delay.


Are you busy watching other people live their lives out in reality shows, films or TV programs ? do you waste time on the phone or face to face speaking about others when you could be focusing on some of the goals you have set to become the best version of you.

People watching is addictive and don’t marketers know it.

The Television industry has nailed it down to a fine art to ensure their business thrives, but what about your business?

What about all of the greatness that you have to offer the world. Your talents and gifts.

Don’t forget who you are while you worry about what everyone else is doing.

 Be successful by ‘minding your own business.’ Literally!

(Habit 3) — ADDICTION

Being addicted to any unhealthy substance or activity will rob you of what could potentially be the bests part of your life. Trust me I know. I used to be addicted to Weed.

Because of my unhealthy addiction, I procrastinated and would over think so much that I never really achieved anything more than partying and getting high for most of my twenties.

If you want to be successful then it will take willpower and strength of character to stick to your plan ‘even on the days when you don’t feel like it.’ And if you are carrying an addiction that will inevitably come first.

Don’t let your dreams suffer for temporary pleasure. See the bigger picture and you will overcome.


Unsuccessful people love to speak badly of themselves and others. It’s a fact that those who are unhappy with themselves often project that unhappiness on to those around them. Have you ever been with a friend or associate and all they seem to do is criticize the world around.

It may be the weather or the traffic that is irking their mere existence or maybe its the queue for the coffee at star bucks and then the cashier who finally serves them who forgot to apologize for the long wait.

No matter what it may be an unhappy person will find fault with almost everyone and everything around them. If you find yourself often complaining about the fluffy stuff as I like to call it then reassess your motive in that moment and make a conscious decision to stop right there. Spend your time only praising that which is your world and watch it praise you in return.


I am sure that you have traveled outside of your immediate environment at least once if not thousands of times during your life and by immediate environment, I simply mean your home.

It may have been a trip to the local shop to collect groceries or maybe further, like a visit to another country. Whatever the case may be, in order for you to make that journey you would have at least to some degree had to have made a plan.

What would you wear to suit the weather? Would you need to pack a lunch? What time would you have to be showered and dressed to get to the bus or train on time?

If you are a driver, would your vehicle need fuel? Should you prepare a second route in case of traffic and unforeseen circumstances and so on.

I’m sure you get the drift?

If you want to become the best version of yourself then you will need a plan to follow. Set yourself tasks and execute them daily no matter how small they may seem. 

If you don’t yet know what your purpose is then I challenge you to meditate, read and search until you find it. 

Work daily on yourself, your habits your health and your happiness so that you can give back to the world and yourself. Remember that we are all supreme beings having a human experience so don’t take yourself to seriously.

Have fun and learn what your triggers for success are. Once you know these create a routine that you can easily follow and don’t ever give up.

If you know that exercising creates a natural buzz for you then do that, if its meditation or reading something inspirational then do that instead, or as well as.

No matter what it is practice regularly and become the person you know you truly deserve to be.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteemhabits book by victoria grant

Thinking Positive

So many people believe that by simply thinking positive they will get positive results and while it is true that a positive mind can lead to a much better quality of life there is another if not even more important factor to consider when working on creating your best self and manifesting the life of your dreams.

If you really think carefully about the things that you desire whether they are related to an emotional, physical or spiritual aspect you will discover that while you may ponder positive thoughts around improvement within these areas nothing really changes if nothing really changes.

Let me explain!

For example you may desire a career change, maybe you now believe that you have out grown your old job and that you deserve more pay, better location and commuting to work, less hours and to be of even more service to your customers.

And let’s say that the work you currently do is as a cashier in a super market and the job you really want is as a school teacher.

Do you believe that by simply thinking positive that you will be able to achieve your dream career? I didn’t think so.

You see what you would definitely need to if you are serious about being a school teacher is to train in that area. It sounds like common sense really and I do not at all mean to come across as patronizing but whatever you want to be do or have will ultimately take some effort on your part in the form of ‘action’ to achieve it.

There are no short cuts when it comes to being fulfilled and successful. You must take full responsibility for your life as you are the architect of it.

No matter your age, race, gender or educational background up to this point if you want something bad enough you will find a way.

Positive thinking comes in to play when you are working towards your hopes and dreams to encourage you to not give up and sit idol.

By having a strong belief and affirming to yourself on a consistent daily basis that everything is working within your favor it will help you to stay on track when the going gets tough ‘and it will’ trust me.

Create your sacred space and meditate regularly on what it is you want to manifest but along with this power practice you must be willing to act.

Think about your daily activities and ask yourself if they are aligned with your ultimate goal if they are not then reassess what you’re doing and change them.

Anything you want to achieve will mean sacrifice but you can achieve it if you’re dedicated and focused on not only thinking positive but being positive.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

See Blog for More Posts


Visualize your Dream Life

Why should you visualize your Dream Life today.

You are responsible for the level of success in your life by deciding what you choose to focus on and you have to create success on the inside before it can manifest outside of you.

If you are ready to create your dream life then the easiest and most fun way that I have found is to use visualization. If up until now you have been receiving things that you ‘do not want’ then it is because you have been focusing aka visualizing things of that manner.

Spend your infinite energy visualizing the life you desire and do this by using real photos and videos. Design a ‘vision board’ complete with your dream body, dream career, health, family, friends, money, partner, charity, holiday destination, amount you want to earn etcetera..

When you know what you are working towards it becomes exciting to get there. Visualize while you look at your vision board, book or video first thing in the morning and last thing at night and feel the emotions of already being, having and doing what you see on there.

Time is your biggest asset so do not ‘waste’ it ‘watching what others have’ as you do not know neither is it any of your business how they attain it. Unless they are a mentor to you or can aid you on your own journey leave them be. There is nothing wrong with using someone else’s success to fuel and inspire your own however just make sure that you are not letting it hinder you by belittling yourself for what you believe you should be, do or have. By visualizing the life of your dreams you are letting the Universe know exactly what to deliver in to your external realm.

And remember that you cannot compare your beginning to another middle or end. Your journey is yours alone!

Your success should never be measured against someone else’s. You are unique and offer talents like no other. ‘Spend’ time wisely focusing on the things you must do to become more useful than you may have been yesterday.

Visualize yourself exactly how you want to be and get clear in your mind’s eye the life you want to live, see the countries you will visit, causes you will support, your loving partner if you don’t already have one and a family happier than ever before.

~ Without a destination you Will arrive anywhere, so plan your journey~

The secret to visualization is to feel the emotions rise up from within as if you were already experiencing those things in the present moment. By doing this often you come to realize that the manifestations are simply a result and that the feeling is what causes the happiness and this you can create no matter what stage in life you are.

So go wild this is your life – and your imagination Think Big!

The more you visualize the easier it will be to create the life you desire.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

Top tips to turn your man on

Follow these top tips and turn your man on no matter what stage of the relationship you are at. There is always room for spicing things up to keep the fire burning, read below for tricks that are sure to turn any man weak.

Be amazing in the bedroom

If you notice I didn’t say be good or even great in the bedroom I said ‘be amazing’ and here’s why. There are plenty of other women in the world as you know who are just waiting for a good man to come in to their life and you already have one. That being said although you are not in competition to ‘get a man’ you still have to be aware that good man are hard to find so if you have one then you must do your best to keep it that way. We all know that Men love sex that comes as no surprise and your man is no different. He will probably want to be intimate with you as often as possible so it makes sense to ensure that the sex is as interesting as it can be. You want every session to feel brand new and for that to be the case you have to be amazing. Make a point of getting to know what your partner likes and don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone to turn him on ‘what you are not willing to do another woman is.’ So remember that. If you’re a sex novice then seek advice from the experts watch porn and read the karma sutra for tips and tricks do whatever you need to do to educate yourself in the arena of sex until you are confident.

Initiate sex once in a while

We all know that men are natural hunters and in the pursuit of love they are the ones who usually take the first initiative. And there is nothing wrong with that, it shows a man’s confidence and willing to try ‘no matter how many times he may have been knocked down before. However now that he has you although he still wants to play his manly role there is nothing sexier than when a woman decides to take charge in the bedroom by letting your man know that you want him ‘right now.’ At first it may seem odd if you are not used to being the aggressor but trust me there is empowerment in a woman knowing what she wants and going after it. Tell your man exactly what you are going to do to him when you get home and follow through, be dominant and allow your man to kick back and enjoy the ride ‘literally.’ Tell him how wonderful he is and boost his big ego men love to feel like the king in your world so let him.

Wear sexy lingerie

No matter what size or shape you are there is something out here to suit everyone so there is really no excuse why you ant dress up sexy often for your man. If you feel insecure about your shape then check out some of my other posts on self esteem and how to love yourself fully. But believe me when I say if your man loves you its more than skin deep so while you work on yourself don’t forget to reward him with what he likes. Men are visual and enjoy to look at sexy women so make that woman be you. Try not to get too complacent in your relationship believing that because you have him he won’t stray or even if he never strays who wants their man being turned on by looking at other women? Not me. And if you’re the same I bet you don’t either. So keep it sexy ‘slutty even’ be daring in the bedroom and find something easy on the eye and easy to remove. Trust me he will thank you for it and the next day you will be the only thing on his mind. Never let your man leave the house hungry – Hungry for sex or food!

Talk Dirty

This may come as a surprise to some but men love a woman that can talk dirty. You need to separate yourself from the other women in his life such as his mother, grandmother, sisters, aunties etc. Be the one woman he can relate to on a sexual level and talk to him in a way that no other woman could. As previously stated this all adds to being amazing. And while we know you are a great girlfriend in every other sense this should be no different.  Use the kind of language you could not speak in front of your grandfather. Be vocal so that your man knows when he is hitting the right spots. This will make him want to please you even more so it’s a win / win scenario. It may feel forced or un-natural at first especially if you have never done it before but just go with it and ‘fake it till you make it if you have to.’ Trust me you will both benefit.

Turn yourself on

It’s so easy for us as women to lay back and let our significant other take charge. We often forget that a bit of encouragement goes a long way and we also forget that if you want something done right then ‘do it yourself.’

Obviously if you are reading this then I expect you are in a committed relationship and your man knows exactly what to do to turn you on but even so there is nothing wrong with giving him extra pointers now and again. Help him to help you by showing him the way and he will thank you for it. Get familiar with your own body and learn the art of pleasuring yourself. Not only will this drive him crazy it will also add to the fore play needed to ensure a great sex-ercise session.

Offer surprise random sex acts

Keeping your relationship new and fun requires you both to be adventurous. If you are only having sex in the bedroom at 10.30pm 3 days out of the week then I predict your relationship will run out of heat real quick. Remember when you first met and how it felt when the phone rang and it was your man, feel those butterflies and keep the fire burning every moment you can. A great way to do this is to be spontaneous. Don’t wait for him to always initiate sex as mentioned previously, but on top of that try to be open to doing it in new places, positions and times. If you can then pop up at his job wearing only a long overcoat and sexy lingerie underneath or pull over to a side street on the way home from shopping for a quickie. Maybe you could sneak in to the bathroom at a party and really get your groove on or simply offer to taste him all over randomly after the football match. Whatever it may be have fun, keep it cute and try not to get arrested for indecent exposure.

Keep the lights on

I can’t stress the point enough that men are visual by nature and they love to see everything to be fully aroused. There is nothing sexier than confidence especially in the bedroom and I understand first hand what it is like to want to hide less than flattering parts of your body but if your man loves you then he will kiss your stretch marks, scars and hold on to that back fat to prepare for landing. Although I speak in jest it can be daunting for us women to bear all but just remember that you are perfect in the eyes of your creator and if there is something that you do not like about your body then you have the power to change it or accept it either way don’t go through life in fear of what others think as that is none of your business. Own your look and they will have no option but to adore you. So keep the lights on and let him see the whole beauty that is you.

Wear that thing he likes

Now i am not speaking only about lingerie as we have discussed that earlier. What I mean in this section is to wear the type of clothes your man finds attractive. Depending on both of your styles that will mean something different to everyone but hopefully you know what that is. If he likes you in high heels then wear them when you are together, accentuate your best features be it your legs, boobs bum etc.. Choose clothes that compliment your physique so that when you are walking down the street with him he cant keep his eyes or hands off of you. Find out his favourite colour and incorporate that often. Now I don’t suggest going to the local superstore with three babies in tow in your highest heels and crop top ‘unless of course you want to’ all I mean is that you should make an effort to stay current in and sexy for your man and remember why he fell for you in the first place. If you were a size 10 jeans when you met then don’t assume he will find you attractive if you suddenly gain 40lbs ‘unless you’re pregnant’ and even then after you have the baby you can still go back to your original size. All I’m saying is keep in mind what he likes about you to keep him forever interested.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

How to be feminine

In this article I will discuss my thoughts on being Feminine and how you can tap in to the wonderful femininity within.

One of the things that separate women from men is our feminine energy now I do know that both masculine and feminine energy reside in us all men and women alike however it is true that naturally a woman will have more feminine energy than a man.

This could be argued in today’s society as there are many blurred lines when it comes to gender roles and how they are played out which is why I say ‘naturally’ this does not mean that a man cannot ‘choose’ to be more feminine than masculine that is his choice.

Anyway back to my point….

I believe that we are blessed as women to have such inner strength a deep connection with the divine and such a powerful magnitude of beauty that we can if we decide literally make men fall at their knees before us.

And the reason we have these magical powers all boils down to our amazing feminine energy.

There are practices and ways in which femininity can be expressed and honoured fully and below i would like to share with you a few of my own tried and tested rituals.

By doing these on a daily basis i remind myself that I am a woman and what that means in the great scheme of things. Women are no better than men ‘vice versa’ we are just different. So here goes.


For those that don’t know meditation has been used as a practice for calming the mind and connecting with ones source and spirit since time began.

Used in many cultures around the world meditation focuses on breathing techniques and posture. I have been meditating for several years now and I truly believe that it has everything to do with helping me to become the best version of myself.

It helps to alleviate stress from the mind and body freeing up space to be creative and visualize for the future. While in meditation i often see myself as a goddess queen, helping and nurturing others and fulfilling my hearts desires to be patient, kind and compassionate.

I surround myself with candles, incense and soothing background music which further adds to the sensory feelings and get in tune with my highest feminine creative intuition.

Here i speak only gratitude and find joy in my heart. Once out of meditation i can focus fully on working on the actions necessary to manifest what my heart desires, as through meditation I believe that I will receive all everything i envision tenfold. See a great book on meditation for beginners.

 Surround Myself with beauty:

Another way in which I express my femininity is to surround myself with beautiful things, these include but are not limited to fresh flowers, scented candles, incenses, fresh bedding and a taking minimal approach to my home furnishings.

Staying clean and fresh is also a must and I have learned over the years to use natural products on my body. I love sweet smells and ensure that my home is a sanctuary that arouses the senses. My clothes are always clean and I prefer to wear soft color make up and nails with only a few pieces of jewelry ‘usually a watch and some earrings, for me less is more and I find that it helps others to focus on me when we are interacting rather than my attire.

Learn new things weekly:

I believe in the quote ‘readers are leaders’ and have found in my own life that by reading books on subjects that are of interest to me I become more knowledgeable in that area thus becoming even more intelligent.

It is important as a woman to be more than just a cute face and sexy body, you must have something to bring to the table of life or you may end up eating alone. By learning new things ‘languages, cultures, skills and ideas you become more valuable not only to yourself but to others also and the Universe will be sure to bless you.

When you know things it gives you the right to teach what you know to the next generation and they are the future of this world so if we want to live in a wonderful world then it begins by leading by example.

There is so much information out here just waiting for you to see and by delving in to the unknown you can literally transform your life and become the person you have always wanted to be.

Everyone should have a vision of what they want their life to be like and by learning new things everyday your thoughts become things. So there is no excuse and no time like the present, if you are wanting to be, have or do anything more with your life then please start learning what you need today.

 Have Confidence:

Femininity and self esteem and confidence go hand in hand. Feminine women are proud to be classy ladies and exude the above in more ways than just sexually. Being a woman is about being free to choose the life of your dreams, along with being a great mother, wife, sister, lover, boss and more… the list is endless as I am sure you have heard that women are great multi-taskers.

By knowing the above you as a woman can be sure that whatever you put your mind and effort to wwill grow in to something beautiful, whether its a business, a relationship or a child you own the power within.

Use your confidence not in an egotistical arrogant way rather speak sweet and smile to get your own way ‘trust me it works everytime.’ Learn how to say ‘No’ at times and let others know your value and worth by being firm but fair.

Be courteous and kind and listen with your heart not just with the intent to answer, always be completely present in each moment even if it means putting down your phone and engaging fully with others.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

How to be a Great girlfriend

Before learning how to be a great girlfriend kindly read below.

Disclaimer: every man is not your man, these tips are supposed to be used only on YOUR MAN ….men who have shown and proved to be worthy of your love. Please do not treat regular casual sex boys as husband material ‘they do not deserve it and will not appreciate your efforts these men do not see you as a girlfriend let alone a ‘great girlfriend.’


1 – Be respectful

I have mentioned in previous posts the importance of being respectful when you are dealing with your man in my speak only to the king in him.

Now that being said if you are in a relationship then I agree that love and respect go both ways however to be a great girlfriend you must know what your man needs in order for him to feel important and secure. So don’t emasculate him by calling him stupid or dimming down his ideas.

Even if you do not agree with something he is doing or saying approach him like a lady, stay within your feminine energy ‘as that is what you own’ and let him politely know your thoughts. Always ‘kill them with kindness’ as the saying goes. Understand what makes your man tick and by belittling him too friends or in front of people will not make him want to be with you ‘even if its in jest.’ Always compliment him in front of others and support his efforts. Never swear or call him names in an argument as there are some things that are very hard to take back.

There is nothing worse than being with a partner that does not show you support.

We all need that one person in life who we can depend on to give us an extra push towards our dreams especially when times are rough and nothing seems to fall in to place.  Times like these reveal the real from the fakes.

And trust me no one wants to be dating a hater. As the saying goes ‘treat others how now you want to be treated.’ If you want your man to be supportive and treat you as a great girlfriend then you too must show him support.  If your man wants to change career and leave his faithful 9 to 5 job to become a football agent then be his biggest cheerleader.

Let him know that you are by his side and believe in his abilities, give him confidence and at the same time be wise. If you know that by him leaving his job his rent or mortgage may suffer then perhaps suggest that he pursues his dream on a part time basis until it brings in enough revenue to be a full time business.

Whatever the case may be ‘never be a dream killer’ if you have worries or doubts about your man’s abilities to succeed then maybe you are with the wrong person. Stay positive and proud of whom you have by showing kindness and keeping the peace and harmony.

2 – Stay feminine:

Remember that you are his lady first and foremost and that it is the female energy that you bring to the table. Just because we had a feminist movement and wanted equal working rights for women that does not make us men. Just as we bring value to the workplace in a different way than men do we still also bring much value to our personal relationships.

Nurture your man, cuddle and massage him and run his bath, ask him if he has eaten and if not then be sure to prepare a nice plate of food for him. When your man gets home from work allow him to vent out his shift to you if necessary and be supportive, don’t nag or moan.

Make sure that the home is clean, smells fresh and that you look your best. Just because you’re at home does not give you the excuse to always lay around in your head scarf and tracksuit bottoms. If you want him to think of only you then you must remind him daily of the reasons why. So put on something nice and make sure you look presentable.

3 – Listen to him

We all want to be heard and at times we as women can demand to be the center of attention and without even realizing it our passion and high energy can often take over a whole conversation.

And although your love for the cause may have been part of his initial attraction to you when you are in a relationship you must remember that there are two of you involved. We were blessed with 2 ears and 1 mouth so that we can listen more than we speak and I do not mean ‘listen just to answer’ in other words don’t sit quietly thinking about how you will respond to what your man is saying instead hear him out, smile and take in deeply what he is telling you.

Who knows you might just learn something. Men want to be heard too, just as much as women in fact it just so happens that they are a bit more introvert with their feelings than we are so if your man wants to talk then see it as a magic moment and pay close attention.

4 – Be nice to his family / friends

Now unless you have the mother in law to be from hell or your mans friends are right losers then this is a very important step that needs to be adhered to if you want to be a great girlfriend. Before your man met you he had another special woman in his life, the one that gave him life and raised him ‘his mum’ alongside his mother were his support system ‘his friends’ and believe me when I say that these two groups of people hold a special place in his heart.

Generally speaking a man depends on his mum and his friends for nurture, guidance, advice and support. Their opinions usually count for quite a lot especially at the beginning of his relationship so make sure you are beautiful on the inside if you are wanting to impress.

Some mums can feel as though they may lose their baby boy when he ventures out in to the dating arena as do can the friends if they see their boy falling hard for some woman. It is your job to make them love you so that they cannot help but tell your man why he should be with you and only you.

As stated previously their opinion counts so make it a good one. That being said I do understand that there are some mothers who are hard to impossible to please but do try your best and at least it shows your man that you are not petty, but that you are naturally kind and patient. Two great girlfriend traits!

5 – Don’t make him jealous

All to often it seems women are determined to make their man feel jealous and insecure by going out of their way to mention how many guys attempted to talk to them that afternoon or by simply flirting with random men in front of their partner. Now some may argue that by displaying this behaviour it will make your man want you more as he will know that you are in demand but trust me the opposite is true. Your man already knows that you are in demand that is why he is with you as in his eyes you are the greatest catch out here ‘ and if that’s not the case then you are with the wrong man.’

By trying to make your man jealous two things can happen. 1- He will think that you are not really interested in being with him so he will begin looking for other options elsewhere or 2- he will get angry and end up paranoid every time you leave the house, thus causing friction and animosity in the relationship or 3- god forbid things could even get physical and you may get hurt.

If you are experiencing a distance in your relationship then ask yourself why instead of automatically trying to game play.

Approach the situation like an adult and ask your man outright what the issue is, maybe you will find that you just had your wires crossed or that a little more spice was needed to turn him on. Either way show him that you are a great girlfriend by shwing that you care about his needs.

6 – Give him sex

If you haven’t already then make sure you read my 10 tips on how to turn your man on then please go over to the post and familiarize yourself with some of the amazing tips shared. It’s a no brainer that sex usually plays a big part in a relationship unless of course there are difficulties in terms of health and ability to take part in such exercise, and that being said if you are able you should also be willing.

Men are visual, physical beings and it is their natural instinct and part of their Masculine energy to pursue and seek sexual relations. Your man is no different at a basic level so he too will require a release of sexual energy often. How often depends on what you both decide is appropriate but I believe that the passion that creates a sexual encounter between two loving people in a relationship can keep the intimacy and love alive.

Sex should be a spiritual connection where your souls intertwine and 2 become 1 so don’t ever take it for granted. Such a powerful experience should only be shared with someone who values and loves you deeply as once that moment is lost you will never get it back. So if you are in a committed to being the great girlfriend that you know you can and should be and you are in a heartfelt relationship then you and your man deserve to be having great sex and often.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

X 5 ways to Make him love you

In the article I share with you information that can if you allow it literally ‘make him love you.’

No matter who you are or how far away the prospect of your desire may seem there are basic tips that can make him love the real you.

Make him love you– Be Polite

It may come as no surprise but saying please and thank you still goes along way in todays society. It is the little things that count and although many are taught these attributes from a young age, there are many who forget or choose not to use their manners.

When you meet a man that you believe may be boyfriend or even husband material you have to remember that often times as a single fella he is already playing the field, which mean he is usually having fun with a few different women. So what separates you from the rest?

Well to be honest unless you know the other females he is talking to you will have no idea so my advice is to play it safe by always being and showing the best version of you. Now if you are pretending to be nice or trying to ‘act’ your way into a relationship it wont last. ‘Character is like pregnancy so they say , it will eventually show,’ so be polite naturally.

Remember to compliment your date and offer to pay or at least go halves on the meal or outing this Make him love you. No one owes you anything in this world so don’t take anyone for granted ‘especially if they are treating you kind. Do the same and act like a lady, be feminine and confident. We all have opinions on different subjects but is it worth arguing with someone you are getting to know because of your string views on politics or religion? Think before you speak and always stay smiling.

2 Make him love you – Do not sleep with him too soon

It seems as though in todays world of social media that everyone has such easy access to one and other. Through the various apps and websites women and men from all over the country are able to meet up within the first few clicks or swipes of seeing each other.

The problem with this method is that they have not really seen each other, all they know is a profile which is 90% of the time fabricated to enhance ones features and lifestyle. If you are lacking in self esteem then i see how you as a woman can get so caught up in the hype and end up falling for one of these smooth talking men but what does that say about you?

Well if you are wanting to settle down and think that you may have found the man of your dreams then it says quite a lot.

First of all he may think that if it was so easy for him to get you in the bed then how many other men must have done the same, now this may or may not be true and he could honestly be the first guy that you decided to sleep with sooner than later but he will not know this and unfortunately for you if you try and explain otherwise, he probably wont believe you and after your sexual encounter he’s likely to be distant and stand offish.

Secondly you don’t know where he has been and you have not yet established the ground rules ‘as these take time’ time for him to at least yearn for you and se that you have self worth.

You don’t only want to have the man you want to keep him so you must show him why you would make a great girlfriend.’ Remember that you are a woman and therefore extremely valuable after all you ‘create life.’

A man or anyone else for that matter can only treat you how treat yourself so show him that you are amazing and in demand. By making him wait he will desire you more and more each day and while he is waiting he will be getting to know and fall in love with the real you.

3 Make him love you – Cook for him

The real way to a mans heart is through his stomach as I am sure you have heard before but what does that really mean?

Well if you are trying to make him love you and are in the dating stages then this man needs to literally ‘need you’ without even knowing it if you get my drift. If you have a father, a brother an uncle, nephew or any other man in your life then I am sure you would agree that their favourite place is usually the fridge and the toilet. There is something about food that makes a man feel strong and secure.

Maybe it goes back to the hunter gatherer days ‘who knows’ but all I know is that if you can cook your man a hearty meal you are half way there for him to fall in love. Before a ma even thinks about marrying or settling down with a woman he already has another very important woman in his life and that is his mother.

Now s you can imagine she has been feeding and nurturing this man since birth and unlike women who flea the nest to nurture their new found families when a man leaves his mother it is to find the next best thing ‘someone who can nurture all of his manly needs’ the main ones being sex and food.

Now i mentioned above why you should hold out on the sex for a while but in the meantime ladies cook your heart out. Now if you cant cook i urge you to learn after all everyone needs to eat and good nutrition is important. Find out what he likes and practice the recipe until you have it mastered. Feed his belly and his mind until you are ready to feed his body.

Make him love you – Have your own Life

Now this is very important whether you are trying to snap up a man or not as having your own life means that you are not dependent on anyone else to provide you with happiness ‘after all happiness is your own responsibility.’

There is nothing like someone who is dedicated to their own elevation who knows what they want and who is working towards their goals in life. Having your own life shows character and self esteem further proving to others that you are not afraid to go it alone and take charge of your destiny.

When you are dating and find interest in a certain man it can easily lead to you becoming caught up in his world. Wondering where he is , what he is doing and who he is with. This can unfortunately lead to a look of desperation on your part and if you are not careful it could scare him away.

The best thing to do to avoid such situations is to be so caught up in your own situations that the tables get turned and he is the one wanting to spend time with you. By doing your own thing not only are you prospering in your own life you are also letting others know that you have integrity and discipline and although it may sound crazy believe me these are sexy.

Focus on you and what you enjoy doing and the universe will always bless you. By doing things and going places you get to meet new people and find out what it is that you really enjoy and what may even be your purpose here on Earth equally when you do eventually see your man you will have more interesting things to discuss.

5 – Make him love you – Be sexy

some people may tell you that being sexy means to turn your man on by wearing red lipstick, lingerie, thigh high boots and gyrating around the bedroom to initiate fun and believe me they wouldn’t be wrong but as with everything there is a time and a place and for the purpose of this post ‘how to make him love you’ I want to stick to some of the other more subtle ways to be sexy.

The first way I believe a woman can be sexy is to be feminine what I mean by this is to act like a lady and to exude female energy. Another thing men find sexy is confidence. Know how to carry yourself. Walk with your head held high, don’t get drunk if you are out on a date with him, speak politely and fully be present in each moment.

Make him love you by showing him who you really are on the inside. Be kind to others, and children let him see that you are a good role model and would eventually make a great mother. Take interest in something he likes ie: football, you don’t have to be an expert but if it is what he enjoys then ask him questions about his team now and again and learn a  few of the rules. It will show that you care about what is important to him.

And the last way to be sexy is to show him respect. Men love money and respect. I don’t advise giving him money but respect can go along way in stroking his ego and we all know that men love their ego stroked. Let him be a man and speak only to the king in him.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

7 LIFE Rules For Happiness and Success

If you are looking for Happiness and success in any area then read on for the Top 7 Rules of life.

Rule 1. Make Peace with Your Past

If you continue to beat yourself up for past actions that may have led you to misery or pain how then can you expect to live a vibrant and joyful life?

Remember, the only time that truly exists for us all is the here and now. And if you need a greater explanation of this I recommend reading the amazing book by Eckhart Tolle titled ‘The power of Now’

If you refuse to make peace with your past it can continue to haunt the gift that is your present resulting in unhappiness. If you want a bright future filled with all of your greatest hopes and desires then you must take full responsibility for who you are Being today.

Your Life is a true masterpiece carved out by the small actions and thoughts that you take and have daily. Never beat yourself up for something that you cannot change and always look for the lesson and the blessing in every situation. Practice the ability to move on quickly.

~Your Perception is your Reality~

Rule 2. What Others Think of You is None of your Business

I don’t believe that could be said any clearer.

You can spend hours, days and sometimes years worrying about what others think about you and believe me when I say most of the time you would be wrong.

There is no point whatsoever trying to please everyone all the time as it is an impossible and time-wasting task, and as selfish as it may sound the quicker you learn to please yourself ‘the happier you will be.’

Now, don’t get me wrong as I am not suggesting that you never consider how your actions and words make someone else feel, quite the contrary in fact, after all when you are less focused on what others think about you it frees up more precious time for you to work on getting to know and love the real you.

And once you are in love with yourself that love has no choice but to overflow into the rest of your life and relationships.

‘Mind your own business and let other people mind theirs.’ As long as you are being the kind, considerate and happy person you intended when you decided to be born who cares what the ‘extras’ in Your production called life think of you. After all, you really are the star so shine your light and let others shine with you or fade into your shadows.

Your life is your mission, so go forth with courage as one else has been given your insight so don’t be shocked if they can’t understand your vision. It’s yours alone and that’s OK.

Other people base their reality on their perception and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can, however, change the way you view their opinion of you by simply not giving it any power over who you are.

The only opinion that should define you is the one you have of yourself. So think great thoughts.

Rule 3. The only Person in charge of your happiness is you

When you rely on outside situations or other people to make you happy you take away your own power and offer control of your Joy to another.

As mentioned before ‘your perception is your reality’ so whatever you believe you receive. For every person that is upset about the rain, their train being canceled and forgetting their wallet at home. There are ten others dancing in puddles, using the canceled train as an excuse to exercise as they decide to take a long walk to work while celebrating in the knowledge that their wallet is at home instead of being lost or even stolen.

What I am trying to say is that it could always be worse and that there are two sides to every coin. ‘Crap happens.’ There is no doubt about that and most of the time it is outside of your control.

However, when the inevitable occurs you are still empowered with the ‘Choice’ of whether you decide to clean it up or smear it across the doors and windows while explaining to each of your friends, colleagues, and family over and again what happened.

Just imagine how fragile you would be if you were angered or sad every time your partner or child acted out-of-order ‘in your eyes’ you could end up a nervous wreck. Don’t give away what is rightfully yours and that is your response-ability. ‘Your ability to respond.’ or simply put — Freewill!

Choose happiness over everything as it is indeed your birthright and your most important ‘Choice.’

Rule 4. Don’t compare your life to others

Comparison is truly the thief of joy. You were born to be a creator not to compete with others for things that have already been created.

Whether it’s a job, a lover, a look, a level of success or anything else for that matter leave well alone. See others as your inspiration and if you believe that someone is doing well in an area that you admire then emulate what they have done if it helps you fulfill your purpose and commend them for their achievements.

You were born as an original being, there is no one here on Earth today made like you and why? Because your world is only a projection of your thoughts and feelings, as human beings, we share the Earth, however, our experiences of our perceptions differ and these are what create our individual journeys.

There is no harm learning from your fellow beings as long as you never see yourself or them as less or more than that of yourself.

‘Have a vision for the kind of person you want to be and stay in character daily.’

Compete only with the person you were yesterday to make sure that you are always being your ‘best self’ and that’s it.

Whatever you see someone else doing or having is also available to you. There is an infinite and abundant supply of everything your heart desires. It’s your Universal right to be happy and successful and whatever you can believe you can receive.

The reason that you may not have the job, the house, the car or the lover you want is because you have not yet become the person ready to receive these things. So work on how you can become better in all areas and watch your blessings overflow.

The easiest way to be happy is to spread happiness to others. Think about how you can be of service and help another, by doing this you inevitably begin living within your purpose and ultimately uplifting mankind at the same time.

Rule 5. Time Heals Almost Everything

I would love to say that I fully agree that Time heals everything however that would not be an altogether true statement.

What I would like to suggest instead is that ‘Space & Perception’ heal almost everything. ‘Let me explain.’

The more space you put in-between something the further away it gets and the further away something is the less it can be seen or felt. Now, if you perceive something as close to you emotionally or even physically then it’s easy to focus on that object over and again no matter how much time may have passed.

For instance, if you have ever experienced the grieving of a loved one then you will know how difficult those first few days of their passing can be and that is because their memory and even physical belongings are still so close to you.

So why is it then that some people can grieve for a few weeks and continue on while others stay in grief for years afterward? It is because of the space between the loved one who passed and the present day.

It will inevitably be harder to let go of a loved one’s passing if you fill your home with their memory. Photos of them dotted around coupled with their shoes and clothing still hanging in your wardrobe. Or if your continuing to watch the same video of them every evening even though it’s sure to bring you to tears.

Time will pass but it won’t matter, the grief will be as fresh as the first day of their passing and your pain even greater.

On the other hand if you can quickly rejoice in the fact that you knew such a loved being and be thankful for the times you shared, occasionally you will watch their videos and laugh in their memory however you will know sooner than later that it’s time to give some of their belongings to a wonderful charitable cause and move on with your life.

So ‘Space Heals almost everything, not time.’ Bear that in mind as you have the power to manipulate space and use it to your advantage in all areas of your life.

Rule 6. Stop Thinking so Much

Have you heard the saying ‘It is what it is?’ or ‘What will be will be’ maybe your familiar with the age-old classic that ‘everything happens for a reason.’

Well if you hadn’t heard them before today then at least you have now.

I prefer to live by the above quotes as I believe they make my life a lot easier in coming to terms with the inevitable ‘crap’ that is almost certain to occur from time to time.

If you too want a relatively stress free journey here on Earth then I urge you to please stop over thinking every little detail or as I like to call it ‘the fluffy stuff’ and enjoy your life.

When you think too much about any situation it can rob your precious hours, leaving you indecisive and may even lead you to procrastination. If you have desires and goals that you are trying to achieve and up until now you are unsure where to begin, then my advice for you is to begin anywhere.

There is no perfect starting point whether you want to lose weight, take up a new hobby or write that novel you have put off for the past 2 years.

The secret to success is in the small steps that you take daily in the direction of your desires. Some days you will undoubtedly feel more inspired and creative than others and that’s perfectly fine as no two days are the same. However, you can not ever feel motivated if you are constantly over thinking, and Not doing.

Thoughts are wonderful things and can literally create and move mountains in your mind, but they are also capable of running wild. Once a thought is born it sends a signal to produce another and so on until momentum builds, sometimes leading you to become enthralled by the imaginary adventure.

This is fine when you are writing that novel we spoke about earlier however it’s compounding power can also be dangerous if your thoughts are not constructively focused on specific tasks that you have set for yourself, which are in alignment to being the best version of you.

So think once, confirm your thought with a firm action and ‘Go get it.’

Rule 7. Smile

Smiling is truly contagious. If you don’t believe me then I challenge you to the following:

Next time you are out for a walk or on public transport smile at a complete stranger, or better yet greet them with a nice hello. I guarantee that even if they find you at first a bit odd they will attempt to smile right back. Ask your friends and family to do the same and report back to each other the next day to discuss your findings.

Most people will want to pay it forward and smile at the next person they see and so on. Smiling is free and is said to also give you an instant facelift so it’s definitely worth a try.

When you feel sad or anxious about anything crack a smile to yourself and repeat in your mind ‘this too will pass.’

There is no situation bigger than you, unless you give away your power to it.

You are in total control of your emotions and the way you feel in every minute of the day and a simple smile is often the reminder of that.

There are so many people going through things in their mind that we will never be aware of, some even feel such despair that for them all faith in humanity has been removed. You may never know how your actions fully affect another but as an energy being please understand that there are causes and effects in all you do, say and think.

So think only good thoughts and smile as often as you can, you could literally stop someone from committing suicide if your simple smile reminded them that ‘we’re not all that bad.’ and better yet that there is still some happiness left in the World.

That may sound extreme but if it flicks a switch in your brain for the next time you see a stranger and encourages you to smile then I believe it’s well worth it.

You may not single handily be able to change the world but you can change you. Decide to be the best you can and watch while the Universe repays you with great energy, blessings, love and an abundance of joy.

And of course, don’t forget to Smile!

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant


The Killer Strategies That Helped Me To Beat Depression

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Ifyou want to know The Killer Strategies That Helped Me To Beat Depression then this article is for you.

I remember reading somewhere that 1 out of 2 people will suffer from depression within their lifetime, this means that for every person you ever meet either you or they may fall victim to this the world’s most common mental health disorder.

We all have at some time or another felt overwhelmed by life’s constant requirements and daily stresses, however for some of us these feelings have caused a hard and sometimes long struggle leading us down a very lonely road of depression.

So what exactly does depression feel like?

Well for me 18 years ago when I was hopeless on my sofa after 4 days of binge eating chocolate and crisps and smoking heavy weed, it felt not only like torture but also the end.

I didn’t want to be part of this fast-paced world that at that time I believed was flashing before my eyes, I wanted to end it there and then. After all who would miss me?

Well by the way things had been going ‘no one would’ as I hadn’t heard from anyone in almost 5 days.

Everything would go on as usual in my absence, everyone who be fine ‘I thought.’

OK, Well maybe mum and dad would be sad, ‘oh yeah and my sisters’ but eventually everything would settle down ‘after the funeral that is and all would be normal again.’

So I pondered….

And then pondered some more.

I thought of all the reasons why I didn’t deserve another day and how I ever could have let my life get this bad. I beat myself up on why I wasn’t yet the best version of myself? or the person that I had always envisioned being.

Blaming myself for being such a waste I struggled to figure out just where it had all gone so terribly wrong?

I lay in silence, darkness, tears, anger, anxiety and regret for the next 24 hours planning my escape from this planet they call Earth.

But just how would I do this? ‘oh no’. Here was yet another dilemma to deal with.

I hated blood so it wouldn’t be anything too gory and I didn’t want to suffer or be in pain for any long period of time, so what could I do? Um

Decisions, decisions.

Then woi laa’ I had it, a flash of inspiration came in to me like lightning. It was the first great idea I had summoned in weeks, or so I felt. ‘I know’ I exclaimed to myself. I will take some pills and go to sleep…

‘Yes’ I thought, Genius.

So what happened next?

As I rummaged the kitchen draws anxiously for some pills the phone rang. I looked down at the handset and watched as my elder sisters name flashed across the screen.

I let it ring off the hook and carried on searching.

Just then I had found a mix up of old antibiotics and paracetamol.

And then my phone rang again…

I looked upon the screen once more this time debating all of the reasons why I should not pick up. I clung desperately to the pills in one hand while gazing down at the phone. ‘It would not stop ringing.’

Time seemed to freeze as I waited for some divine sign to show me the way.

And then I realized that was the sign.

Hello ‘ I answered.’

Now don’t get me wrong after the long and emotional chat with my sister I attended an emergency mental health assessment at the local medical institution and completed a course of cognitive therapy thereafter.

However in that moment when I saw her name center stage on my phone screen I decided then that I was going to do everything within my power to not only live, but to also be as Happy as I could be.

Fast forward 18 years and boy am I glad that I stuck around, my life may not be a perfect picture to many or any but it is perfect to me.

stopped smoking weed years ago as I believe that this had a lot to do with my feelings of anxiety and depression. I now have a loving partner a beautiful daughter and great friends and family.

When I look back on my depression I smile, as I am not only a survivor but also a warrior. My depression played a huge part in who I am today and for that I am eternally thankful.

If you are suffering with any of the symptoms mentioned below please read on for a few tips to get you over the initial hump. Also please do not suffer in silence, if you have friends and family let them know how you feel. If this is not possible there are other organizations such as The Samaritans who are here to help you.

  • -Appetite changes, or weight gain or loss
  • -Trouble going to sleep or staying asleep, or sleeping too much
  • -Fatigue or lack of energy
  • -Feeling restless, irritable, or withdrawn
  • -Feeling worthless, hopeless, discouraged, or guilty
  • -Trouble concentrating, remembering things, doing daily tasks, or making decisions
  • -Thoughts about hurting or killing yourself

Strategies That Helped Me To Beat Depression….

Strategy 1 — Decisions are Instant

Although it may be true that changing long serving habits can take discipline and time it is also true that the decision to make any improvement in your life is instant.

When you have acknowledged that a particular behavior pattern is not serving your greater purpose for happiness you can and must decide you amend or abolish it for good.

Strategy 2 — Remember who You Are

Do you know that in the eyes of your creator the god source within you that you are a super star and you can do no wrong? Well it’s true and you need to remember that in times of despair. Build on your self esteem and rediscover your self worth and confidence.

You are an original artifact. Carved out of nature’s perfection and there has never been nor will there ever be another you in past or future times. You were put on this earth to be great not mediocre and you are your own hero.

The world needs You otherwise you would never have been born. Find your purpose no matter how long it takes. Life is a journey not a race.

Strategy 3 — Write a Journal from your Future Self

Although life may seem all doom and gloom at present, know that no situation lasts forever and that ‘this too will pass.’ Think about all the great times you may have had and if there are none then create some imaginary ones that you can look forward to.

Start your journal with the end in mind and see yourself as an old woman / man looking back at your life. What did you learn or accomplish? Who did you inspire and how? Where did you travel to? What adventures did you take?

Have fun with this task and write whatever comes to mind, after all this is your life, your journey and these are all the great things that you have to live for.

Please note that physical exercise has helped me to maintain not only a great physique but above all a balanced and healthy state of mind. 20 minutes a day is sufficient.

For the next step in healing depression click here

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

Stay Motivated

We all have the same exact amount of hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month and months in a year so how is it then that some people stay motivated and create what seems like the life of their dreams while others become their spectators.
Which one are you?

We all know the answer to this it lies deep within and I’m sure if you are reading this post then you are hoping at least to be one of the few that also stay motivated and manifest your dream life too.

We can all get motivated at some point when it’s necessary to fulfill an important task or carry out one of our ‘must do duties’ but what about when it comes to fulfilling your own dreams and goals.

If you have ever had a great idea and I am sure that you have had plenty maybe for beginning a business, creating healthier habits, making more of an effort with your loved ones or anything else then I also know that at the start of your quest you were probably full of energy and felt naturally motivated. However after the first few days when the fire inside you began to fizzle that motivation and positive thinking dwindled and your great idea became nothing more than another dream.

So what happened? Well if you want something bad enough then you must be willing to put in all of the necessary work to achieve it and that involves not only positive thinking but also lots of self-love, confidence, and self-esteem as well as a vision of your dream life so you know exactly what you are working on when the motivation disappears.

I like to pride myself on doing what I need to do no matter how I am feeling. Whether tired, sad, angry or frustrated I can always get what I need to do done. I stay motivated by always focusing, strong work ethic and dedication to the task and my ultimate goal.

~Success is a journey consisting of small wins daily~

How to Stay Motivated

Believe that you are your own creator of motivation and understand the power of momentum. Once you begin doing something especially if it is your passion no matter how you may have initially felt about the task eventually you will pick up momentum and finish what you had set out to do.

Completing your tasks fuels your confidence and sense of self-worth immensely and the more you do that the better you ultimately become.

So whatever you are wanting to do, like Nike says ‘just do it’ and when it’s done put a big tick next to that item on your to-do list.

Recommended Reading

‘If you are struggling with creating new habits in your life or suffer from low self esteem check out my books for more advice and guidance to help you prosper in both of these areas.’

Self Esteem        habits book by victoria grant

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